This Child Did Not Emerge from the Vagina of this Woman

by Timothy Chilman


We're talking about this child, and this woman's vagina.

Trig Paxson Van Palin is an anagram of Savanna Tripling Pox, Naval Rapping Toxins, Vaginal Tax Nips Porn, and Nirvana Pant Glop Six. Sarah Palin says her son of this name was born on April 18, 2008 and weighed six pounds and two ounces. Trig is a Norse name meaning “loyal” and is the name of a relative of Palin’s. Paxson is a teeny community in Alaska which is popular with snowboarders. All we have for “Van” is Palin’s joke: “We’ve always liked the middle name Van because, you know, growing up in the ’80s, Van Palin would be a really cool name.” Trig’s supposed siblings were Track (18), Bristol (17), Willow (13), and Piper (7), so she evidently has a penchant for weird-shit names.

Palin said she believed the story that she was not the mother of Trig was inspired by an episode of Desperate Housewives. Salon aimed to quash the rumor with an article entitled: Trig Trutherism: The definitive debunker.

Salon says that Steve Quinn, a journalist from the Associated Press, met Palin early in 2008, before she shot to national prominence when she was made John McCain’s running mate but after the pregnancy was announced. Quinn asked Palin directly about the rumors that she was not pregnant. Palin lifted her outer clothing to display a round belly.

Quinn says that female legislators and friends of Palin had suspected Palin was enceinte before she declared that she was, based on physical changes to her. After the supposed birth, Quinn called Palin’s physician, Cathy Baldwin-Johnson, and asked her if Trig was Palin’s baby, and was told that he was.

Erika Bolstad, a veteran journalist who reports on Washington for the Anchorage Daily News, interviewed Palin a week before the pregnancy was announced. She says she definitely thought Palin was heavy with child.

Sam Bishop was a staffer who worked in the Alaskan governor’s office in Washington and accompanied her to meetings and interviews on the second day of the National Governors Association conference on February 24. He said that when he read that Palin had announced her pregnancy, “I just slapped my forehead, and went: ‘Duh!’” She had worn large scarves and clothing that did not fit her form. He said, “Her face was more filled out than normal. She was very much pregnant, and fairly far along, when I met her.”

Anchorage Daily News columnist Julia O’Malley wrote that even before the announcement, Palin appeared to be putting on weight and wore baggy jackets and scarves. Her face filled out, her fingers swelled, and she had a noticeable belly.

Journalist Cherie Shirey of Anchorage’s KTVA told the Huffington Post that she worked with Palin often in 2008, and Palin was definitely in the family way. It was apparent from her belly and face.

A journalist for Slate magazine claims to have called Mat-Su Regional Hospital, where Trig may or may not have been born, and asked a clerk if Trig was born there, to which the clerk replied, “Oh, that’s not even a question,”

So they all say they thought she was pregnant. Who thought she wasn’t?

Geoffrey Dunn is an award-winning investigative journalist who contributes regularly to the Huffington Post. He is, coincidentally, the author of The Lies of Sarah Palin: The Untold Story Behind Her Relentless Quest for Power. He says he spoke to a close friend of Palin who is a highly respected woman and the mother of several children. She had had close contact with Palin until the time of Trig’s alleged birth. She told him that Palin did not ever look pregnant. She specifically said that Palin’s face was not that of a woman who was preggers.

One who was most surprised by Palin’s announcement was Gary Wheeler, a State Trooper of 26 years’ standing who was part of her security detail. Two weeks before, he had accompanied her to Washington, D.C. for the Republican Governor’s Convention. She donned jeans upon arrival in Washington, and did not appear parturient.

Palin did not inform her security detail that she was packin’, and that the child had Down syndrome, which presented extra health complications.

While Palin claimed she was secretly pregnant, Angelina Burney, who works across the corridor from her in Anchorage, noted that “All of a sudden she had this penchant for really beautiful scarves.” Beautiful scarves which conceal the belly.

Shailey Tripp was a massage therapist, but in her spare time she was the madam of a bordello, for which she was arrested in March 2010 and pleaded no contest. The National Enquirer reported her claim to have had an affair with Sarah Palin’s husband, Todd. Some time between January and March 2008, she gave a massage to Palin, who was a frequent visitor to the All About You spa where she worked. Palin had completed paperwork declaring she was not pregnant. Palin was supposed to be six or seven months pregnant, but no sign of the condition was discerned in the course of a massage by an experienced, licensed masseuse with considerable experience of pre-natal massage. Unclad, Palin did not appear pregnant. Her stomach was not round and there was no movement within. Tripp was “really, really shocked” when Palin announced that she was gestating.

Tripp was concerned that the baby might have been injured. The treatments Palin received cannot be disclosed, but the spa offers such services as anti-cellulite treatment, skin regeneration, pulsed light therapy for acne and spider veins, sclerotherapy for varicose veins, and botox injections. Some of these would be ill-advised for a pregnant woman.

Alaskan Airlines also did not believe Palin to be gravid when she traveled with them after she said her waters broke.

On March 5, the day of her announcement, Palin relayed her joyous tidings to three journalists.

“We’re expanding,” said Palin, happily.

“You’re expanding state government?” asked one journo.

“No,” replied Palin, “My family’s expanding. I’m pregnant.”

All three fell silent, and gazed at her belly.

“You’re kidding,” one eventually mustered.

Wesley Loy wrote for the Anchorage Daily News that Palin’s announcement “shocked and awed just about everybody around the Capitol.” The Anchorage Daily News reported that “Even close members of her staff said they only learned this week their boss was expecting.”

So seven people believed she was pregnant, and “just about everybody around the Capitol” believed she wasn’t. Hmm. A video exists of Palin hosting the Spouse’s Lunch at the Governor’s Mansion in Juneau, AK, three weeks before she claims to have produced Trig. She doesn’t look pregnant. So a number of specific individuals did not think Palin appeared pregnant, “just about everybody around the Capitol” didn’t think she appeared pregnant, and you don’t think she appeared pregnant.

Palin says that before March 5, she did not inform anybody other than her philandering husband that she was pregnant. She didn’t tell her children, parents, siblings, or closest staff.

Palin says that she began to emit amniotic fluid around 4 a.m. on April 17, 2008 in a hotel in Dallas. She called her physician in Alaska immediately. She said, “I said I am going to stay for the day. I have a speech I was determined to give.” Days later, Kyle Hopkins of the Anchorage Daily News reported that the physician did not clear Palin to fly. Although breaking waters is a strong indicator of imminent birth, she stayed in Dallas and delivered a 30 minute keynote luncheon address to the Governor’s Convention the next day. She left the podium in such a hurry that Governor Rick Perry of Texas quipped, “You’re not going to give birth, are you?” By email, Todd Palin told three friends that Palin’s speech “kicked ass,” but did not mention breaking waters.

A statement by Palin said she went into labor in Texas but it “let up” enough for her to travel. Does labor ever “let up”? An obstetrician will tell you that when a woman’s waters break, she should immediately go to a hospital because of the risk of infection. Instead of being examined at the first-rate Baylor Medical Center ten minutes away, Palin embarked upon her journey home. Staff of Alaskan Airlines were not informed of her condition. She said, “Maybe they shouldn’t have let me fly, but I wasn’t showing much, so they didn’t know.” So, after all those people said Palin was blatantly pregnant, she said she wasn’t.

A long trip could have posed a risk to her. Women over seven months pregnant are advised not to fly, and Alaskan Airlines would not have allowed Palin to do so if it had appreciated her condition. If a woman’s level of amniotic fluid becomes too low, termed oligohydramnios, a baby can develop clubbed feet or hands, contractures of the limbs, and a life-threatening condition by the name of hypoplastic lungs. A low amniotic fluid level is also associated with Potter’s Syndrome, which is invariably fatal. If Palin’s amniotic fluid level had become too low, all a cabin crew member could have done would have been to bring coffee. Palin’s judgment has been questioned for traveling in her claimed state, as she acknowledged at a press conference three days after the “birth.”

In Anchorage, late in the evening of April 17, rather than attend the Providence Hospital which had a neonatal intensive care unit and was minutes away from Ted Stevens International Airport, Palin was driven for about an hour to the Mat-Su Regional Medical Center, which has no neonatal intensive care unit. The hospital did not list Trig as having been born that day, but does not do so unless it is requested, due to fears of kidnap. On August 2, Palin wrote to a government official saying that the day of Trig’s appearance was a work day, as she was obviously not doing anything terribly strenuous. On that day, she signed a bill into law and performed State actions. She returned to work fully three days after.

In a photograph published by the Huffington Post*, Trig is said to appear “cuddly” and to not be holding himself up. If Trig were five or six months old as has been suggested, the Huffpost said he would sit up more and raise his head. Sadly, the International Standards Organization does not recognize a definition of “cuddly,” and as with the varying opinions as to whether Palin appeared pregnant, it is obvious that these matters are highly subjective.

Levi Johnston

Bristol’s ex, Levi Johntson, has not divulged any funny business surrounding Trig’s birth, but this character is a shit and his testimony is worthless. He disrobed for Playgirl and will patently do all sorts of things in return for a spot of cash.

So, from whose vagina did Trig emerge? The obvious candidate is Palin’s daughter, Bristol. Who’s more likely to get knocked up? A 44 year-old first-time governor with four children, three of whom are teenagers, or a 17 year-old residing in a small Alaskan town whose conservative parents never told her about condoms? Bristol was absent from school for the last four or five months of Palin’s “pregnancy,” supposedly due to mononucleosis, a condition some may remember from an episode of The Brady Bunch. Some classmates say she appeared pregnant. There are other possibilities: Todd Palin has been accused of extra-marital affairs and siring a love-child, thus producing a spare baby.

It is less likely but not unheard of for teenaged mothers to have a child with Down Syndrome. The risk to a mother aged 15 to 19 is one in 1,250, while it is one in 100 for mothers aged 45 or older.

Why did Palin do it? Trig has been labeled “the greatest prop in world political history.” For decades, anti-choice elements of the GOP have believed the leadership paid only lip service to their ideals, as evidenced by their pro-choice wives. A baby with Down Syndrome vastly improved Palin’s anti-choice credentials.

Palin toted Trig when campaigning, even on wet winter evenings. She describes herself as a “hockey mom,” and has made motherhood a key element of her appeal. While other politicians kiss babies, Palin dropped one. In September, she proclaimed herself the guardian of the nation’s disabled children.

Palin’s camp has been less than spirited in dispelling rumors. A journalist from the Anchorage Daily News attempted to settle the matter, but was stonewalled by staff members and not given requested information by Palin’s doctor. Blogger Andrew Sullivan emailed the McCain campaign to ask whether Trig was Palin’s. He said, “I asked a simple question akin to asking whether you can confirm that the sky is blue.” There was no response.

He produced a birth certificate. Why can't Palin?

Palin could settle the matter as Barack Obama did, and show a birth certificate, thus convincing all sane Americans. She would approve of such an action. When asked about Donald Trump’s investigation of Obama’s birth certificate, she said, “Well, uh, I appreciate that ‘The Donald’ wants to spend his resources in getting to the bottom of something that so interests him and many Americans. You know, more power to him.” Palin once demanded that a Republican opponent prove he was married by releasing a marriage certificate, as his wife had kept her own name.

Do you believe Palin or her acolytes? Her one-time spokesman, Bill McAllister, was asked about the controversy, and said by email, “I can tell you that I never even heard of the fake pregnancy rumor until the VP selection. Let me repeat that: As the most connected politics reporter in the state for years, I NEVER EVEN HEARD OF IT!!!!” But as Steve Quinn will attest, rumors are known to have begun well before her campaign for the position that is not worth a bucket of warm piss. He was lying.

Steve Schmidt, John McCain’s campaign manager, said publicly that Palin’s book, Going Rogue: an American Life, was “Not 70%, but 100% fiction.” There was the Paul Revere business and the blood libel business. This woman and her supporters talk shit.

Sarah Palin herself may have given a clue, the way forgers are said to do with their fraudulent creations. When she appeared on Dancing with the Stars to support Bristol, she referred to her daughter as “Bristol the Pistol.” What does a pistol have? A trigger. Sitting at home, she doubtless chortles at the success of her contrivance of lies.


“Is this the picture that shows Sarah Palin did not give birth to baby Trig? Professor ‘proves’ it was all a hoax.” Daily Mail. 15 April 2011. 1 July 2011. <>
“Sarah Palin and the neverending Trig Birther rumor.” The Periscope Post. 15 April 2011. 1 July 2011. <>
“The Evidence That Sarah Palin is Not The Mother of Trig Palin Compared to The Evidence That Obama Was Born in Hawaii.” Newsflavor. 16 April 2011. 1 July 2011. <>
Alphonse, Lylah M. “Sarah Palin’s birther problem resurfaces: Was her pregnancy with Trig a hoax?” Shine. 15 April 2011. 1 July 2011. <>
Dunn, Geoffrey. “Sarah Palin’s Version Of Trig’s Birth May Be More Troubling Than The Hoax.” Business Insider. 19 April 2011. 1 July 2011. <>
Elliott, Justin. “Trig Trutherism: The definitive debunker.” Salon. 22 April 2011. 1 July 2011. <>
Gryphen, Jesse. “Exclusive! My interview with Shailey Tripp. Update!” The Immoral Minority. 10 February 2011. 1 July 2011. <>
Hopkins, Kyle. “Gov. Palin gives birth to son Trig.” Anchorage Daily News. 18 April 2008. 1 July 2011. <>
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Loy, Wesley. “Sarah Palin’s pregnancy: What I saw.” Salon. 22 April 2011. 1 July 2011. <>
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