by Timothy Chilman
The Federalist newsletter, which bills itself as “the most widely read conservative grassroots publication on the Internet,” said that “Obama’s adoring Leftmedia sycophants are promoting the GOP candidates they believe Obama can most readily defeat.” That explains Michele Bachmann.
At first, things were looking good for Bachmann, the thinking man’s Sarah Palin. At the Republican debate in June where she launched her bid for the presidency, she received several bouts of applause for her attacks on President Barack Obama. She managed to mention her accomplishment of fostering 23 children three times. She was the most-sought guest for the next day’s breakfast television shows.
By September, she was fading, and was nigh-on forgotten in debate as Rick Perry and Mitt Romney bickered. While Perry had 32 percent of support and Romney 21 percent, Bachmann’s seven percent put her down there with the also-rans: Jon Huntsman, Newt Gingrich, Herman Cain, and Rick Santorum, whose name is now best-known (according to Google) as a term for the frothy mixture of lube and feces which sometimes results from anal sex. Bachmann’s staff in New Hampshire have just all quit, with one going to work for Perry. Bachmann is down, and there can be no better time to kick her.
Bachmann said that her husband was off-limits: “I am running for the presidency of the United States. My husband is not running for the presidency.” But when Barack Obama ran for president in 2008, Bachmann said Michelle Obama was “anti-American” because she had said she had only become proud of her country recently. She also criticized the First Lady’s initiative to promote breast feeding – and not on the wholly reasonable grounds that it messes ladies’ tits up. To a radio show, she said, “Can you imagine if Laura Bush was doing that, out trying to pass her legislation? I think the media would have been after her.” So Bachmann’s husband is fair game.
Bachmann’s husband is “Doctor” Marcus Bachmann. The biography shown on the website of his practice, Bachmann & Associates, lists a master’s degree from Regent University, the Virginian institution established by Pat Roberston, and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the Union Institute in Ohio, a correspondence-based school in Cincinnati. He punctuated it as “PhD,” while the American style is “Ph.D.” Obviously a man who know what he’s talking about. I’m just popping out for a can of Coke, a Twinkie, and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the Union Institute.
“Doctor” Bachmann acquired his Ph.D. in 1988. The Reauthorization Report on the Union Institute’s Ph.D. program by the Ohio Board of Regents which was released in 2002, said that, at the program, “expectations for student’s scholarship at the doctoral level were not as rigorous as is common for doctoral work.” The program was restructured. In 2004, the Department of Education declared in a letter to the Institute that its Ph.D. in psychology would not be recognized.
Marcus Bachmann is not licensed by the Minnesota Board of Psychology or the Board of Marriage and Family Therapy, although he chose his state well: Minnesota is one of the very few states where it is possible to practice therapy sans license.
In a an interview with the radio show, Point of View, in 2010, “Doctor” Bachmann said, “We have to understand: barbarians need to be educated. They need to be disciplined. Just because someone feels it or thinks it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to go down that road. That’s what is called the sinful nature.”
Marcus countered that he had been speaking of children and the recording was doctored, although that does not explain his earlier comment regarding “the understanding of God’s word on homosexuality”. He said that the comments do not reflect his belief system. There is, however, considerable evidence to the contrary.
Andrew Ramirez was 17 years-old when he sought help from Bachmann & Associates over his sexual orientation. He was advised “to read the Bible, pray to God that I would no longer be gay.” He was told that God would forgive him if he were straight.
Ramirez’s alleged dealings with Marcus Bachmann’s clinic were first publicized by The Nation, and were supported by a video taken undercover by the gay rights advocacy group, Truth Wins Out. In the video, a gay man was counseled that with prayer and effort, he could learn to be attracted to wimmen. A counselor was heard to say, “’God designed our eyes to be attracted to the woman’s body, to be attracted to everything, to be attracted to her breasts” and “In terms of how God created us, we’re all heterosexual.”
In November 2005, both Bachmanns delivered presentations to the Minnesota Pastors’ Summit. Mrs. Bachmann’s spoke of the constitutional amendment to prevent gay marriage which she is trying to impose upon Minnesota. “Doctor” Bachmann’s presentation was entitled The Truth About the Homosexual Agenda. One gay activist in attendance said the presentation concluded with the testimony of three people who claimed that they were once gay but had been “cured.” Another attendee remarked that “there was so much bile.”
When asked in an interview with a local newspaper whether his clinic attempted to “pray away the gay,” “Doctor” Bachmann said, “That’s a false statement.” The fact that he is a proven liar should color all his protestations.
The practice of seeking to change an individual’s sexual orientation was comprehensively discredited by the American Psychological Association in 2009. The Association had spent two years looking into the matter, reviewing 83 studies going back to 1960. This approach to therapy was labeled ineffective and possibly harmful. Clinton Anderson, head of the Association’s Office on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender concerns, said to ABC news that his organization had thoroughly examined the matter and discovered no evidence that efforts to convert a person from gay to straight could succeed. Anderson also said, “The harm is that when people are already in distress, and feeling conflict about their religion and their sexuality, to tell them they can change if they work hard enough… just makes their distress and their shame… even worse.”
As a side note, the Bachmann & Associates clinic has been the principal source of income of the Bachmanns since Michele left her law practice to enter politics. Although she has criticized Medicaid for “swelling welfare rolls,” the clinic accepted more than $150,000 of Medicaid money. The Bachmanns part-own a farm which received $260,000 of federal money between 1995 and 2008, and farm subsidies are welfare for white people.
“Doctor” Bachmann evidently has a “thing” about homosexuality. What could that thing be? Could it be that the gentleman doth protest too much, methinks? Well, he is a large blip on the gaydar of many people.
On The Daily Show, hosts Jerry Seinfeld and Jon Stewart laid into the “Doctor.” Seinfeld said, “He’s so gay Richard Simmons tells him to ‘tone it down.’” Stewart said “Doctor” Bachmann was “so gay he calls Top Gun ‘that volleyball movie’” and he is “an Izod shirt away from being the gay character on Modern Family.”
The pair mocked a video of “Doctor” Bachmann dancing with his spouse at a Des Moines Tea Party meeting. Stewart said the good “Doctor” “dances and sounds not only gay, but center-square gay.” That latter was a reference to Paul Lynde, who sat in the center square of the game show, Hollywood Squares, from 1968 to 1981. He never came out and the media never pressed the issue, but a 1976 People magazine article about him featured Stan Finesmith, his “chauffeur-bodyguard.” In 1978, he was arrested outside a gay bar in Salt Lake City, which cost him his guest-starring rôle in The Donny and Marie Show.
When the video concluded, Stewart said, “That’s the man supposed to be teaching people not to be gay?” It has been said that “Doctor” Bachmann has “a drag queen’s strut.”
Seinfeld and Stewart also made mirth of “Doctor” Bachmann’s voice. The voice is some way short of baritone. As well having a high-pitched voice, “Doctor” Bachmann has a very slight lithp and slurs his words slightly.
Dan Savage, who writes the highly popular Savage Love problem page, said in a podcast that the “mincing” “Doctor” Bachmann sounds awfully like an ass bandit. Savage says “Doctor” Bachmann appears to have “tiptoed down” the road of homosexuality, “just a couple of inches… maybe six, maybe seven.”
Cher told her 250,000-plus Twitter followers that “My Gay-Dar is GOING OFF !!!” When she appeared on Current’s Countdown with Keith Olbermann, comedian Janeane Garofalo said, “He seems to be quite gay to me.” Another comedian and New York Times best-selling author and LGBT rights advocate, Kathy Griffin, talked on the Late Late Show about her breasts and then Marcus Bachmann. She said, “Okay, he’s very anti-gay and LGBT rights, and it’s odd, because if you look at him on YouTube, it’s almost as if he himself… or, it’s as if…” Pundit Andrew Sullivan called Bachmann a “ssuper-sserial hunter of gays.” Daily Show co-creator, Lizz Winstead, tweeted that “Doctor” Bachmann was “the white Al Reynolds.” Al Reynolds is the ex-husband of the former host of the View, Star Jones. He spends much time insisting that he is absolutely, certainly, definitely not homosexual.
James Urbaniak, one of The Venture Brothers, said, “It’s pretty much a given that the most vociferously homophobic men are usually repressing something. But, oh Mary, Michele Bachmann’s husband Marcus takes the ever-loving cake.” Television actor Dave Foley tweeted: “How can Michele Bachman be opposed to gay marriage when she is married to gay man.”
Marcus Bachmann sets off people’s gaydar left, right, and center. Can gaydar be trusted? Science says “yes.”
In a series of studies published two years ago in Scientific American, college students were asked whether men in pictures they were shown were gay. In one experiment, the students were shown pictures of 81 men taken from online personal ads. Gaydar was significantly better than mere chance. Research at the University of Toronto said wimmen in particular have the best gaydar, particularly when they are at their most fertile. It is something of an evolutionary necessity that fertile wimmen can eliminate gay men from consideration for fucking.
Michele Bachmann is pretty, while Marcus is pudgy and somewhat effeminate, which would accord with theirs being a marriage of convenience. There is likely to be little action between their sheets, however thanks to some ill-advised poses that were captured photographically, we have an idea of what Bachmann sex might look like. For fellatio, there is the photograph of Michele inserting a 12 inch corn dog to her mouth (she had it with mustard) and for sodomy
(no way would intercourse be vaginal) there is the photograph of Michele leaning forward with her ass close to the nether regions of Marcus, who stands erect.
The truth is so very clear: Marcus Bachmann took the road to Sodom. If he walked into the average bar in Texas, he would be lynched
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