by Timothy Chilman
<I’m running out of conspiracies. Suggestions to the email address below as to things I could write about would be very welcome. Credit would be given.>
Adolf Hitler. The name is synonymous with evil. He was responsible for the deaths of millions of people. It is said that there exist more than 700 biographies of him: more than twice as many as for Churchill and three times as many as for Roosevelt and Stalin. And so the question inevitably arises: what was he like in the sack?
First of all, did Hitler have the necessary equipment? The Office of Strategic Services (OSS), forerunner to the CIA, tracked down Hitler’s family doctor, Dr. Eduard Bloch, to New York, to which he had relocated as a refugee. Dr. Bloch said that as a child, Hitler was “genitally normal.” There are, however, widespread rumors that this did not last. The humorous, British song from the Second World War, Hitler Has Only Got One Ball, popularized the idea. This song was sung to the tune of Colonel Bogey, which was the theme of the 1957 film, The Bridge on the River Kwai. There are many who believe the song got it right.
Researchers can always be found who will say, “Investigation demonstrates that Hitler acted very much like certain kinds of neurotic monorchids.” However, the strongest evidence that Hitler was monorchic is the account of a priest, Franciszek Pawlar, who had received the confession of Johan Jambor, a front-line medic serving with the German army during the Battle of the Somme in 1916. Jambor died in 1985 at the age of 94, but had revealed his secret to the priest, who made a note of the conversation.
Jambor collected injured soldiers for some hours. He recalled Hitler, who was referred to as “the Screamer” by those present because he screamed so much for help. His legs and abdomen were bloody. He had lost a testicle, and asked the doctor: “Will I be able to have children?”
The story was confirmed by Jambor’s friend Blassius Hanczuch, who said that after the Nazis came to power, Jambor suffered nightmares and blamed himself for saving Hitler.
The story was reported by the sordid British tabloid, The Sun. Neither the document nor the witness have been produced, but German army records show that Hitler was wounded in the groin at the Somme. Ian Kershaw, who authored a recent, much-respected biography of Hitler, said that the wound was to Hitler’s left thigh. The story was repeated by print and electronic sources on both sides of the Atlantic, which included some serious broadsheets.
In his 1968 book, The Death of Adolf Hitler, ex-Red Army intelligence officer Lev Bezymenski claimed that the Soviet autopsy of Hitler discovered that he possessed only one gonad, but later admitted this was untrue, and was one of several alterations he made at the behest of the KGB.
Allegations of Hitler’s homosexuality began when he was in power. The idea has featured in a number of books, most notably The Pink Swastika, by Pastor Scott Lively and Kevin Abrams, and The Hidden Hitler, by Lothar Machtan. The Pink Swastika’s audience can be gauged by that fact that it was sold by the right-wing loonies at WorldNetDaily at a discount of $12.
The Pink Swastika quotes Allen Ginsberg, the hip, homosexual poet who in 1966 testified at an obscenity trial concerning William Burroughs’ book, the Naked Lunch. Ginsberg was asked by a Justice of the Supreme Court whether there might, at some point in the future, be a political party comprised of homosexuals. Ginsberg said it had already happened with the Nazis under Hitler. The exchange was related by the Gray Lady.
Lothar Machtan is a German historian with impressive academic credentials. Joachim Fest and Alan Bullock’s classic biographies of Hitler were used by Machtan as sources, and made some of the same points, although they were not emphasized.
During his younger years in Vienna, Hitler and his best friend frequented areas notorious for homosexual doings. Hitler stayed at a flophouse known universally as a hotbed of butt piracy. The records of the police in Vienna listed him as a “sexual pervert,“ although no offences are listed and this might have been no more than a suspicion. In May 1913, he moved to Munich, known as “a regular El Dorado for homosexuals.“ Machtan’s evidence is circumstantial, but men have gone to the gallows on circumstantial evidence.
Hitler can be placed elsewhere on the spectrum of sexuality. Hitler: the Missing Years was a book written by Ernst Hanfstängl, who became a close friend of Hitler in the 1920s after seeing him speak in a Munich beer hall but later fell out with him. He claims to have come up with the chant of “Sieg Heil.“ He recounted that his wife said of Hitler: “Putzi, I tell you he is a neuter.” He said that Hitler often remarked that he would never marry a woman because Germany was his bride. Hanfstängl wrote a report on Hitler for President Roosevelt, which Roosevelt described as his “bedtime reading“ during the war.
Hitler’s ascent to power was due in a large part due to the influence of two brilliant homosexuals: Ernst Röhm, who became the head of the paramilitary Sturm Abteilung (Storm Troopers), and Dietrich Eckart. It was often said that Hitler’s tolerance of Röhm was because the latter could prove Hitler was an anal astronaut, and that Hitler had Röhm killed in the Night of the Long Knives to deal with the problem.
In a 1931 exposé of the Nazis (short for Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei, or National Socialist German Workers’ Party), the Munich Post mirrored Allen Ginsberg by accusing party members of “the most shameless practices,“ activities forbidden by paragraph 175 of the penal code, which declared homosexuality a criminal offense.
Machtan detailed the soi disant “Mend Protocol,“ which was the testimony of dispatch rider Hans Mend. Mend had served alongside Hitler in the Great War and swore up and down that he had witnessed Hitler engage in homosexual acts with a fellow runner, Ernst Schmidt. Mend was subsequently found to be a liar and blackmailer, but he initially made his allegation in his memoirs, before Hitler became famous, and therefore was not seeking attention. Machtan claimed that Hitler was denied promotion because of his ass banditry.
Hitler formed intimate attachments to a number of men. He is said to have referred to one, Albert Förster, the obviously homosexual Danzig Gauleiter, as “Bubi,“ a nickname commonly used by homosexuals for their partners.
Hitler was a model soldier during his four years in the Army. He was excessively submissive to his officers, frequently volunteering to to do their washing and see to their clothes: he assumed the feminine role. His attitude to the Hitler youth could possibly be construed as motherly. Revisionist historian, David Irving, said that wimmen who have read Hitler’s book, Table Talk, “marveled at his insight into the female psyche.“
Hitler was a stalker. He became interested in Stefanie Isak, an attractive woman, in 1905, when he was 16 years old. He and his friend, August Kubizek, would loiter to see her when she crossed a bridge to go to the main square of the town where she lived at 5p.m. every evening. Isak was not Jewish, but her name appears so, and it was not mentioned in his official biography, which was a heavily edited version of Kubizek’s memoirs. Hitler believed she was Jewish.
Hitler was too yellow to introduce himself. But then words, he believed, were unnecessary. He was convinced that Isak intuited his beliefs, and agreed wholeheartedly. When Kubizek displayed doubt that Hitler could know what Stefanie thought without speaking to her, he became enraged, and said, “You simply don’t understand, because you can’t understand the truth meaning of extraordinary love.”
Hitler would write love poems about Isak with such titles as Hymn to the Beloved. Hitler’s face lit up with “fervent ecstasy” when he read these poems to Kubizek. She was unaware that Hitler was stalking her. Hitler would be deliriously happy when she smiled at him, and “crushed” when she ignored him.
Hitler seriously considered kidnapping Isak, but gave up on the idea for lack of funds. He then considered suicide, jumping from the Danube bridge. Isak would, of course, have to die with him. Hitler’s mood lightened in June 1906, at the Linz flower festival, when Isak smiled at him and threw him a flower from her festival carriage. “She loves me,” he said to Kubizek. “You have seen! She loves me!” He kept the flower in a locket for years.
In 1926, Mimi Reiter was a 16 year-old shop-girl in Obersalzberg, a preferred location of Hitler’s. In an interview with the German magazine, Stern, in 1959, she told of a picnic she had had with Hitler in some woods. He hugged her “real tight” and kissed her, but “He didn’t know what to do.” Hitler lost interest in her and she attempted suicide by hanging, then married but left her husband. Rudolf Hess later enjoined her to meet with Hitler in Munich. She later said that sex occurred: “I let everything happen.” A relationship was not possible because he could not be linked to a woman who had left her husband. By 1934, Hitler wished Reiter to become his lover, but she wanted marriage, and Hitler said that would have interfered with his “big mission.” Reiter’s sister confirmed Hitler’s interest in her.
In 1925, Hitler met Geli Raubal, the daughter of his half-sister. She was 19 years old. He fell madly in love with her, although she gave no more than a little affection in return. He was then no more than Member Number Seven of the Nazi party, and she made him neglect his political duties. Rather than turn up for meetings, he would spend his evenings strolling the parks of Munich with Geli on his arm. Hitler’s family did not take to the idea of his marrying his step-niece. One day in 1931, after seeing Hitler, she wrote him a letter explaining why she could not marry him, her Onkel Alf. After posting the letter, she locked herself in a room and shot herself with Hitler’s Walther 6.35 pistol.
There are stories that Hitler partook of the kind of sexual strangeness that would be expected of him. It is said that he was a copraphile: he got Raubal to shit in his mouth. The claim was made in an OSS report, which was published under the title, A Psychological Analysis of Adolph Hitler: His Life and Legend. Erns Hanfstängl and one-time Nazi leader, Otto Strassner, who both had axes to grind with Hitler, told the same story.
Although it is not clear how this information was obtained, the OSS report quotes the then-dead Raubal as saying Hitler would ask her to squat over him and defecate upon him. He is known to have liked this view. Röhm is widely-quoted as having said, “He is thinking about the peasant girls. When they stand in the fields and bend down at their work so that you can see their behinds, that’s what he likes, especially when they’ve got big round ones. That’s Hitler’s sex life.”
There would be a very sound explanation for why he enjoyed such a thing. Hitler’s mother was abstemious to a fault. There was never a speck of dust in the house. Hitler’s toilet training is likely to have been harsh. This usually leads to “residual tension in this area.“ Fantasies become fixated around the topic.
Hitler’s speech and writing could be construed as displaying such a fixation. The subjects a person considers important enough to mention reveal subconscious leanings. Scientific experiments have borne this out. So we have…
“…dragged into the dirt and filth of the lowest depths.”
“Charity is sometimes actually comparable to the manure which is spread on the field, not out of love for the latter, but out of precaution for one’s own benefit later on.”
“And when he <the Jew> turns the treasures over in his hand they are transformed into dirt and dung.”
“You don’t understand: we are just passing a magnet over a dunghill, and we shall see presently how much iron was in the dunghill and has clung to the magnet.” (the “dunghill” was the German people.)
The OSS report often refers to the work of Freud, which has since been discredited. Hitler, it said, often had shit on his mind, and a number of historians and biographers have been convinced that he also had it in his mouth.
Renate Müller was a singer and one of the most successful actresses in Germany. She knew Hitler in the mid-1930s. Once, she appeared dejected at the studio where she worked. Her superior inquired why, and she told him of her one-night stand with Hitler. They had both undressed, whereupon Hitler lay on the floor and begged her to kick him. She declined. He flagellated himself verbally until she acceded to his wishes. This excited him much, and he begged for more. She committed suicide shortly after.
Eva Braun was one of the three daughters of a conventional Catholic family in Munich. Her school grades were average. She liked romantic novels, Hollywood movies, gymnastics, and dancing. After leaving a convent school, she began work as a studio assistant for Heinrich Hoffman, the official photographer of the Nazi Party. She was 17 years-old, fresh-faced, and chestnut haired when she met the 40 year-old Adolf in October 1929. He had opened a door to enter a room, where Eva stood on a ladder, giving him a good view of her legs.
A relationship did not begin until late in 1931, when Hitler was on the rebound after the suicide of Geli Raubal. Hoffman said that “never, in voice, look or gesture, did Hitler behave in any way that suggested any deeper interest in her.” He never allowed the pair of them to be seen in public for fear of losing popularity with females. He stated that he was “married to the destiny of Germany.”
Hitler treated Braun awfully. She was not allowed to be present for dinner if important guests were in attendance. He hated her wearing cosmetics, dressing in anything but the most unflattering clothes, smoking, and sunbathing nekkid. Fortunately, he was absent much of the time. He made his views of wimmen abundantly clear, and once said to his confidante, the Nazis’ favorite architect, Albert Speer, that “A highly intelligent man should take a primitive and stupid woman.” He occasionally purchased dirt-cheap jewelry for Braun.
The collection of shoes Braun acquired in the course of many shopping trips provided little solace. Speer said she showed “gay serenity,” but she attempted suicide twice, shooting herself in the throat and missing her jugular in 1932 and taking an overdose of sleeping pills in 1935. These were cries for attention instead of determined attempts to kill herself. Hitler was unswayed.
In 1935, Braun wrote in her diary: “If only I had never set eyes on him! I am utterly miserable. I shall go out and buy some more sleeping powder and go into a dreamlike state.” Her cousin, Gertrude Weisker, said, Braun was “the unhappiest woman I ever met.”
Professor Theo Morell was the last of the eight personal physicians used by Hitler during his time in power. People commented on his body odor, causing Hitler to reply: “I do not employ him for his fragrance, but for his medical care of me.” Morell said that Hitler, like Churchill, had a low libido. Hitler and Braun had separate beds, but it is known that he liked her to wear chamois leather underwear.
Professor emeritus of medicine Hans-Joachim Neumann and historian Henrik Eberle used documentary evidence, principally the papers of Theo Morell, and present-day medical analysis to produce the book, Was Hitler Ill? The book says that by the end of the war, Hitler was taking 82 different medications. Hitler took considerable quantities of an anti-flatulence medication which included strychnine, a nerve agent which is an ingredient of rat poison.
Hitler was scared of pills, so everything was injected. Theo Morell was christened “Herr Reichinjektionmeister” by Hermann Göring, who was addicted to morphine by the end of the war and not one to talk. Hitler was given a drug with the same intended effect as Viagra: it contained testosterone and was made from the semen and prostate glands of young bulls.
Friends and relatives of Eva Braun say she giggled upon seeing a photograph of British prime minister Neville Chamberlain sitting atop a sofa in Hitler’s flat in Munich in 1938. Braun remarked: “If only he knew what goings-on that sofa has seen.“
While sex appears to have occurred, it will not have been much. Hitler’s valet, Heinz Linge, said in a television interview that his wife was Hitler’s housekeeper, and she never found stains on the sheets. Hitler’s bedding was adorned with an eagle atop a swastika, betwixt the letters A and H and inside a circle. A bedsheet cover and pillowcase was sold at auction by Dreweatts for $3,150.
It has been widely speculated that Hitler had syphilis. Morell’s notes show that he had an abnormal heartbeat, which is an indicator of syphilitic aortitis. From 1941, Hitler received regular injections of iodide salts, then a therapy for cardiac syphilis. His restrictive palsies, gastric pain, chest pain, neck pustules, dizziness, encephalitis, and oh-so-well documented flatulence are all associated with syphilis, and led Robert Berger, a cardiac surgeon at Harvard Medical School, to conclude that Hitler may well have suffered from the condition. Morell was one of Germany’s principal experts in the disease. Hitler may have been diagnosed with syphilis at a field hospital in 1918, when he was recovering from a gas attack, and it is possible that documentary evidence of this was destroyed on the orders of Heinrich Himmler.
And there we have it. Hitler’s girlfriend could expect chamois leather underwear, much farting, and possibly syphilis, but not much sex, and even what there was would have been pharmaceutically-assisted. She would, perhaps, have shat in his mouth. Sooner or later, it is very likely that she would have killed herself. At least the uniforms were cool.
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