Bigfoot is real and he may be hiding out in your family tree


Could this be your long lost cousin?

According to a press release issued by a company called DNA Diagnostics that details the work of a Texas veterinarian, “Researchers’ extensive DNA sequencing suggests that the legendary Sasquatch is a human relative that arose approximately 15,000 years ago.” The report comes from Melba S. Ketchum who somehow managed to obtain three “whole nuclear genomes from purported Sasquatch samples” and that “the genome sequencing shows that Sasquatch mtDNA is identical to modern Homo sapiens, but Sasquatch nuDNA is a novel, unknown hominin related to Homo sapiens and other primate species.” (Mitochondrial DNA, or mtDNA, is the DNA that resides in the cell’s energy-producing structures, and is typically passed down from mothers, while nuclear DNA, nuDNA, resides in the cells’ nuclei and is passed down from both parents to offspring.)” This means that an unknown hominin species knocked-up female Homo sapiens resulting in a hybrid, i.e. Bigfoot.

The five-year long DNA study is currently under peer-review and Ketchum is keeping her evidence in the dark for now. Only Ketchum and her team know anything about this supposed sample of evidence, anybody could have collected it. We have no way of knowing if this was collected by experts who knew what they were doing or amateur Bigfoot enthusiasts who may have contaminated it.

Whatever her evidence, Ketchum seems fairly sure of herself and has issued a statement to the U.S. government requesting that they immediately recognize Bigfoot as “an indigenous people and immediately protect their human and Constitutional rights against those who would see in their physical and cultural differences a ‘license’ to hunt, trap, or kill them.” To which the U.S. government replied “LOL”. OK, the U.S. government did not actually say that but considering that nobody can even get any decent photographs or any real evidence, until now supposedly, of said beastie then a request that they are protected from being hunted, trapped or killed is probably not necessary at this time.